One of the most frustrating things about kids and teens is that they don’t naturally follow through with our requests as parents. I’m sure some part of them knows we mean to help, but they just don’t want to do it! It is not automatically on their agenda. At some point it may occur to them that it is easier, and makes more sense, to do the job before we ask. But today, some part of them is hoping we won’t notice or they’ll get to skip it this time. What’s really interesting is that they may feed the dog without being told, but avoid the dishes like the plague.
All that being said, there are some things parents can do to shift the balance toward more responsible behavior. The old adage, If you expect, you must inspect is relevant here. When it comes to doing responsible things, even though they can argue like a champ, our kids are not automatically mature enough to make the appropriate choices. In fact, these responsible choices often don’t arrive until after college when the young man or woman has no one else to mop up the mess they have created. Therefore, as parents, we must inspect the important things, such as grades, chores, driving, and clean underwear. Recently, a friend said she insisted that her son put on clean underwear after his bath. He did, of course, over the old underwear! I have to give that young man points for creativity! I do remember counting underwear in the wash for my youngest son. It wasn’t on his agenda either.
One way to do this is to put the item on your calendar. I used to put check rooms on my calendar for Saturday. Another way to do this is right before they go somewhere or do something fun. For instance, if Jessica wants you to take her to a friend’s house, you can inspect her room before you take her or allow her to leave. Adjust the time back ½ an hour to an hour if they are going to a movie or something that starts at a specific time. Deadlines don’t work for kids unless they know you will check up on them as sure as the sun comes up. And deals we make with kids usually backfire unless you insist they do their part completely before they get what they want. Kids don’t know as much as they think they do, but often they are a little craftier than we give them credit. They know if we won’t check.
Kids don’t really care what we think, or what’s good for them, and that’s ok. They will one day. Until then, we must inspect if we expect!!
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